Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Warning, this is a long blog. Read at your own risk.
Lets start at the beginning. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant is not easy for everyone. Watch what you say because you never know what someone is going through. Jeremy and I got pregnant the second month of trying and were so excited and never thought anything bad would happen because I was healthy, young, didn't smoke, no drugs...etc. We decided to tell our family and close friends at around 6 weeks and that same weekend our lives changed. We went through a miscarriage that was devastating. I know some people are like you were 6 weeks, no big deal. A miscarriage is a miscarriage. I was not a super emotional person and was pretty emotionally tough but this crushed me to the core. It happened over the holidays and Christmas was rough. I remember just being so hurt when I saw people getting pregnant around me and angry that it wasn't me. Why wasn't I pregnant? Why were we getting punished? It just didn't make sense to me and I wasn't happy until I was pregnant again. I finally realized that if I hadn't had that miscarriage I wouldn't have my precious Emma. So just be careful of what you say and to whom.
Oh the weight gain. I was huge and swollen and didn't fit into anything and this and that. But, that's okay. It was very hard for me to watch that scale increase day after day. Many times I cried to Jeremy and then had to turn around and wear his shirts. I am sure he was thrilled about sharing his wardrobe, but I refused to buy more maternity clothes at month 9. Want to know how much I gained? 50 pounds and I am 5'1. Take that. If you are pregnant along with someone else please don't make it a challenge to see who can gain the least. If I heard "I have only gained 10 pounds" one more time I would have punched someone.
Childbirth. Unpredictable and scary and exciting! If you want to go all natural, awesome. If you want to give birth at your house, wonderful. If you don't, that is perfect too. Whatever you feel comfortable with is what you need to do. I had an epidural and I had zero regrets. Having a baby, however that happens, is a miracle. Again, not a contest!
Here is my newborn story:
Emma came out screaming, literally, and continued to do so for the first 5-6 months. She had a horrible case of colic that made me wonder what in the Hell I had gotten myself into. We love her unconditionally, but those were the hardest months of my life! It took a toll on our marriage because neither of us were sleeping and we couldn't get angry with Emma, so naturally, we got mad at each other. Poor Jeremy got phone calls almost daily from me crying because Emma was inconsolable and I was so frustrated. If I could go back I would have called for help. I am a prideful person and refused to call my family or his family to come and give me a break even though I was in desperate need of them. Call for help!
Why did no one tell me that breast feeding was so hard and would be extremely emotional?!? Pretty sure that was the number 1 cause of my baby blues. I wanted to breast feed and tried. It just wasn't working and making the switch to formula was so difficult to me because I felt like I was failing as a mom. That was my job, that was how she was going to bond with me, that was the best thing for her, that was... that was... that was. The list goes on. I got to the point that I was dreading having to feed her because I was in so much pain from her latch and I then had to pump and feed her. My mom finally straight up told me that she was worried that I was going to resent Emma if I kept on breast feeding. Hello lightbulb. Was it worth me bleeding and crying every time I had to feed her or was it worth it for me to feel more of a human being? Jeremy kept saying Emma needs a happy mom more than a breast feeding mom. Words that rang true for me. I switched and then found out she was allergic to milk anyways! No wonder she cried when it was time to eat! Point being, breast feeding is tough. I would have loved to have done it for 6+ months, but it didn't work out that way. And, it's okay. Emma is healthy and happy!
It is so important to have a great support system once that sweet baby arrives! Jeremy and I are beyond lucky. We have a wonderful and close family, caring friends, and coworkers that are amazing. If you feel judged by someone I would steer clear for a while. Block people from facebook, twitter, blogs, Pinterest, etc... ignore all the mom's that say how much they accomplished that day, how organic their dinner was, how their 1 year is reading at a 12 year old level, how their house is completely dust and dirt free, etc... It is all BS anyways. They are just like us. My bed gets made periodically. Emma throws multiple fits a day. I go grocery shopping with a backup person or at night when I can go alone. Dinner? If it is a good week I cook 3 times. Normal week, we have Chick-fil-a or Fuzzy's often.
The painful love that I feel for Emma was immediate. I thought I loved my nieces and nephews (and Oh, I do!) but the love for you own baby is indescribable. I stay up late thinking about her future and worrying about what dangers she will get in and how can I always protect her. I wake up and stare at the monitor for minutes on end just making sure she is breathing normally. I miss her every time she is away from me (even if I want some alone time). My heart literally hurt when she first said 'momma'. If Jeremy's parents weren't there, I bet I would have cried. When she gives me kisses I pray she will never stop because they are the sweetest thing ever. Naturally, I think she is the world's most adorable girl. I love her. I love her. I love her. I cannot say it enough, I love Emma Reagan and I am so thankful that God gave her to us. She has taught us how to be patient. How to become flexible in life. How to truly love someone so much it hurts.
Motherhood is ever changing with every new season of life. What worked last month may not work this month. You learn to adapt. It is hard, emotionally, physically, and mentally. It is worth every tear, every pound gained, every sleepless night, every rough patch, every everything. Ladies, it is worth it.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
I have somehow talked Jeremy into redoing our fireplace area. It is rather ugly and I hate it. In my head this will be a quick fix and make a big difference. Now, I am sure in reality it will be a big fiasco but with the same result of a big, beautiful difference.
Here is what we have:
Here is my Inspiration Photo:
I mean… seriously? Do you even need to know why I have chosen this picture? The full slab is the icing on the cake. I’ll take it.
Stay tuned to see if I can actually talk him into doing this the ‘right way’. Which, is my way.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Why are any sort of rugs so difficult for me? If you recall it took me MONTHS to order a rug from Horchow for the pool table room. In all honesty, I found the perfect rug on day 1 of looking but the price was high. Jeremy said something like ‘you are on heroin if you think we are buying that’. Fast forward a few months and he changed his tune and let me order the rug. Moral to the story? If I wait long enough and talk about something long enough Jeremy will say screw it and let me order what I would like.
Sadly, this time didn’t go quite as planned. I am happy with the order that I placed, but I am anxious to see if I will still be this happy when they arrive (who knows when that will be). I didn’t want those ugly scratchy door mats that I see everywhere and I didn’t want to spend $100 either. I needed 3! I went to Ballard Designs and ordered this outdoor rug in the lighter blue for the entry way.
Then I ordered two of these in the neutral tones for the back doors. I initially wanted something yellow and blue to tie in the colors in the pool table room, but there were already two different patterns of blue and I didn’t want to over load the area. Plus, this rug was available in a much smaller size. So here is what I ended up getting.
Hope they come in soon!!
Up next, Valentine’s Day Pizza Party at our house! 8 adults and 6 kids…should be fun and loud!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Remember my last post about the desk revamping? Well, I completed it and I love the outcome! We got the desk for free from a friend at Crossfit over a year ago and we were going to paint it and sell it, but we realized that we needed to desk. So, home it stayed! Bare with me through this entry and you will see the final look.
I have been bugging Jeremy about our game room… I hated it. Thankfully, last summer we got rid of the wood paneling, retextured the walls, and painted a neutral there. I wasn’t a fan of the old signs that we had up, they were great, but just wasn’t my cup of tea for in the house. I finally buckled down and started decorated! I made the large scrabble wall before Thanksgiving and I LOVE how it turned out.
Initially I wanted to make a shelf with a cubby system and hooks out of a wooden pallet. We have a bazillion for the business, so I thought well that would be mainly free! My sister, Allison, reminded me that my parents had some really cool door knobs and I should use those instead of hooks. Hello, free again! We loaded up and ran over there yesterday and my dad has a TON of cool stuff in his workshop and we totally nixed our plans for the pallet. We ended up getting a really cool old piece of wood that was perfect for a shelf and then 5 glass knobs that we had at the house in NY. I also stole some of my dad’s art work! Thanks parentals!
I forgot to take pictures before we started, my bad. All we did is measure out where we wanted the knobs to be, marked, and drilled holes. Jeremy’s dad basically has a hardware store in his workshop so we got some carriage bolts that worked perfectly. Push the bolts through the back and screw on the knobs. Easy enough!
Jeremy bought Flush Mount Hangers at Lowes and it worked like a charm. We used our stud finder to hang the shelf since it was so heavy and well, we are hanging stuff on it too!
Done! We simply anchored my dad’s art on the top and I painted a small decorative “D” yellow to put to the left. I remembered that I bought it for super cheap at Hobby Lobby and it has been sitting in the closet for at least a year.
Here is the desk area almost ready! The desk is done but we have to hang up the poetry piece of the art that goes with the painting. We didn’t have the right stuff to do that today. Loving our new Gateway computer!
Up next is to finish off the room by adding new chevron curtains. I ordered them off Etsy and I should get them this week! See ya later boring window and wall area!
Now if I can only find some stupid door mats that aren’t uglier than dog crap.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
I am only 19 days late, no big.
After starting to read blogs again, I have decided that I should write in mine. Hope this actually happens!
Let me catch you up on life.
Still married. ha! (Jeremy just read that and asked if there was an expiration date. Funny kid.)
Emma is now a little over 16 months and has the personality of a 16 year old. She is now called “The Voice”. She talks loud, she laughs loud, and she cries even louder. But she is sweet and we love love love LOVE her to death! (She is currently messing with her sleep sheep in her crib instead of napping… )
We remodeled our kitchen last summer and we changed up our game room. No more ugly wood paneling! Woohoo!! So, we don’t have anymore big projects left in the house, yeah. Just small things here and there.
(This picture is obviously before it was completed since there isn’t hardware. Don’t worry, we have some now!)
Our business is doing great and we have a fun time working on it. If you are in the need for a high end cooler company, you know who to call! Brute Outdoors of course!
I said goodbye to sweet Jetty last summer and said HELLO to spacious Explorery. Best purchase ever.
Okay E is currently chatting in her crib. Bye friends!